


You're All That I See

by PrinceSkylar



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkward Romance, Couch Cuddles, Feelings, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Doubt, older Mikado
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-23 05:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18147962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceSkylar/pseuds/PrinceSkylar
Summary: "Masaomi said something that bothered me." Mikado said finally, surprised by how steady he was able to keep his voice. "It isn't really a big deal, though. So...don't worry-""Was it about me?" Izaya asked, finally turning to look at the other again. His expression changed again into something close to annoyed, but all Mikado could do was admire at just how expressive the other was without realizing it. He had to curse himself though for saying it was Masaomi who had managed to turn his mood sour; it just made another thing to add to the ever growing list of reasons why Izaya and Masaomi would never get along.Mikado tore his gaze away, frowning down at his lap for a second. "Yeah...yeah, it was about you." He sighed a little bit.





	You're All That I See

**Author's Note:**

> Izaya/Mikado is a major guilty pleasure of mine. I wrote something quick, or rather finished up something I started a year ago and forgot about.

Mikado knew Masaomi meant well; his best friend would never say anything to hurt him on purpose, after all. It was just a small comment, anyways, hardly worth Mikado's attention...and yet...

_"You know you're just his momentary obsession, right?"_

It had gotten under Mikado's skin almost instantly, making home inside of him and making his very core shudder in irritation. He'd laughed it off, of course, because Masaomi only meant well and didn't want to hurt him. He knew Masaomi didn't approve of his relationship with  _Orihara Izaya_ , of all people. He knew all of this and made it a point to never bring it up around Masaomi. Around Anri it was different because Anri truthfully didn't care, so long as Mikado was safe. She was apprehensive, of course, but she asked him about his  _boyfriend_  all the time, even went out to dinner with the two of them and managed to have a  _friendly_  conversation or two with Izaya in the process.

Masaomi wasn't Anri, though, and Mikado knew there was just too much bad blood between him and Izaya to even hope for peace. So he kept his mouth shut around Masaomi, even if he didn't really like to. Having your best friend despise the man you love was a painful situation Mikado had never really planned on encountering. But, Masaomi was worried, Mikado knew. Masaomi wanted to shield Mikado from all painful things and from all dangerous people, as he had told him many, many times. Mikado just didn't have much of a heart to tell him to back off just a little.

The comment had wedged itself into his mind, echoing all day long as he had lunch with Anri and Masaomi, and as he made his way to Izaya's apartment. Had he been dating anyone but Izaya, then he was sure the comment wouldn't have bothered him as much. It bothered him because he  _knew_  Izaya. Izaya had never been the type to settle down and actually care about another person. Not like this. It was an intimidating thing when it had started, becoming the boyfriend of the most hated, and well known, informant in the city. It was startling to think that someone as plain as himself could capture the attention of someone so uninterested in his type. He still wasn't even sure how he'd managed it, and truthfully he wondered why Izaya didn't think he was boring enough to leave just yet.

Izaya's apartment door was unlocked when Mikado arrived that evening and Mikado walked in, kicking his shoes off by the door. "Izaya?"

"I'm in the kitchen," The informant's reply was gentle, in a way, and there was an underlying joy in his tone. It was a tone Mikado had learned to adore.

Mikado smiled a little, a bit dissatisfied with the wave of anxiety that washed over him. He ran a hand through his hair and took a breath, walking over to the couch and sitting down. There was a blanket draped over the back of the couch, one they used during their movie time cuddling. Mikado grabbed it and wrapped it around himself, letting out a soft sigh as he leaned back into the couch. He could hear Izaya moving around the kitchen, the clinking of dishes telling him that the other was probably putting clean dishes away, even though Mikado had told him to do it earlier that morning.

It almost made Mikado laugh; he felt like a nagging wife sometimes.

"How was your day?" Izaya wandered into the living room after a few minutes, ruffling Mikado's hair as he passed before sitting down beside him. He looked him up and down, dark eyes narrowing a little. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Mikado waved it off, smiling at him again. He pushed himself up and shrugged. "My day was alright, I guess."

"Just alright?" Izaya hummed, eyeing him for a second before scooping up the TV remote and looking away from him. Mikado was a bit relieved when he looked away; Izaya was too good at reading him most days. "You were looking forward to today all week, and it was just okay? Did something happen?"

"Not...really," Mikado replied softly. "No. Nothing, actually. We just ate and talked."

Izaya nodded a bit and when Mikado glanced at him, he saw the hesitant way Izaya's lower lip was caught betwee his teeth. Mikado wondered if Izaya was aware of his own nervous habits, but didn't have the time to ask when Izaya spoke up again. "Are you sure nothing happened, Mikado?"

For a few minutes Mikado didn't reply. Izaya's hesitant look melded into something close to irritated, but then turned into something resigned, as if he had expected the silence. It was a little odd; Izaya was a lot more skiddish in the feelings department part of their relationship than Mikado had expected he'd be. In a way it was bizzare, but given Izaya's lack of emotional attachment to almost every person he'd been together with in the past, it made sense. It was almost endearing really, if Mikado were honest. It was kind of sad right now, though, because Izaya practically oozed concern but looked like he didn't want to bother Mikado by asking him again.

As if he could ever _bother_  Mikado.

"Masaomi said something that bothered me." Mikado said finally, surprised by how steady he was able to keep his voice. "It isn't really a big deal, though. So...don't worry-"

"Was it about me?" Izaya asked, finally turning to look at the other again. His expression changed again into something close to annoyed, but all Mikado could do was admire at just how expressive the other was without realizing it. He had to curse himself though for saying it was Masaomi who had managed to turn his mood sour; it just made another thing to add to the ever growing list of reasons why Izaya and Masaomi would never get along.

Mikado tore his gaze away, frowning down at his lap for a second. "Yeah...yeah, it was about you." He sighed a little bit.

Izaya grunted softly and Mikado glanced over to watch him rub his temples. Guilt welled up in Mikado's gut all of a sudden.

Izaya had been having a good day, it seemed, and then Mikado came in after being gone all damn day only to kick down his lover's good mood like it was nothing. He brought a hand up to rub his face. "Don't worry about it, Izaya. You know how he is-"

"I could care less about Masaomi." Izaya cut in sharply, arms crossed over his chest. He wasn't looking at Mikado and, well, the younger of the two wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. "I've never wanted to be on his good side; he and I are beyond that and that's fine with me. I care about you, though, and everytime Masaomi opens his big mouth you come home upset. Always doubting yourself and thinking I'm not going to notice but I notice everything." He turned his head to fix his narrowed gaze on Mikado. "What did he say, Mikado?"

Mikado sucked in a breath, finding it hard to find his words for a second. He shifted, pulling the blanket tighter around himself, and found himself shaking his head. "It doesn't matter."

"It doesn't matter?"

"No."

Izaya frowned and Mikado yelped as he was shoved over, the raven haired informant crawling over him to awkwardly straddle his hips on the couch. One of Izaya's hands gripped Mikado's chin and he arched an eyebrow at him. "What did he say, Mikado?"

Mikado rolled his eyes but the words didn't want to come out. It was one thing for a friend to say it and for Mikado to keep it in his mind where no one else had to hear it. At least then he could smash the thought down and tell himself that Masaomi was wrong. He could at least pretend the doubt didn't even exist if he didn't have to say it. But saying it to Izaya's face was another thing. Saying it to his face meant having to hear an answer...and Mikado felt terrible for knowing a part of himself was already expecting Izaya to confirm Masaomi's comment.

"Why do you want to hear me say it?" Mikado mumbled finally, exasperated.

Izaya's firm, slightly annoyed expression didn't waver in the slightest. "Because it's obviously something that upset you. So I want to know what it is."

"God..." Mikado sighed in defeat. "...I'm just your momentary obsession. That's what he said, alright?"

This time Izaya's expression did change, eyebrows furrowing in confusion for just a second before his features melted into an expression of realization. "You believe him?"

Ah...this felt like a trap of some sorts. Mikado was never good at figuring out when Izaya was testing him and this...well, this felt like a test. The informant's dark eyes were staring him down but his expression was blank, unreadable. Mikado glanced to the side, lip caught between his teeth. "...It's not like you've ever given anyone a reason to think other wise, right?"

In some way Mikado knew he was right, even if he himself didn't want to accept it. Their relationship had started so quickly, ignited by the flames of their sexual tension they'd been trying to ignore since Mikado had graduated and started spending more time with the informant. It had just been sex at first but when did it become a relationship? When Mikado invited himself over for days at a time? When Izaya remembered his birthday last year and gave him money to buy himself a gift? He couldn't remember, but he knew it was weird. Because Izaya didn't  _do_ commitment. Izaya didn't _love_  people personally, not the way Mikado tried to convince himself he did. But that was all speculation in the end. They didn't talk about these sort of things. They had just fallen into this comfortable routine of theirs and hadn't questioned any of it.

Maybe they should have.

Izaya's hand released his chin and Mikado sighed softly, refusing to meet the other's gaze. "There, see? I messed up the whole mood. So...I'll go home or something, alright?"

"No, you're not." Izaya replied. Mikado blinked and looked back at him, words dying in his throat at the frown on the other's lips and his narrowed eyes. Izaya shifted, though, and slid off of Mikado so that really, if the younger man wanted to he could leave. Izaya was giving him the option. The informant raked his fingers through his own hair and sighed softly. "...I suppose that I've never given anyone a reason to think otherwise, yes. But...surely you don't really think I don't care for you, Mikado."

Mikado sat up and hesitated, giving a small shrug. "...I don't want to think that, no." He said softly. "I've been telling myself that it isn't true but...there's a small part of me that isn't...sure." He frowned softly. "You never...you've never really been the type to settle down with someone. N-not that we've settled down or...anything but we...we're more than just...fuck buddies. We have movie nights...I sleep here more than I sleep at my own apartment and...I don't know, I was fine ignoring all of the doubts but Masaomi just reminds me sometimes that I...I have no idea how you feel about me, Izaya."

Izaya nodded, which Mikado didn't expect, and then he reached over to gently stroke his fingers through Mikado's hair. "Foolish of me to assume we didn't have to talk about these things, wasn't it? I forget you feel things...a lot. I was hoping that maybe you'd fill in the blanks on your own and assume it, so I wouldn't have to say it. I've never had to say it before."

Mikado found himself leaning into the other's touch. "...You can't just assume people are always going to know what you feel without you saying it. I...for all I know this is all one sided-"

"But it's  _not_." Izaya stressed, fingers tightening in Mikado's hair on reflex before he jerked his hand away, fists clenched in his lap. "Would I let you sleep here so often if it was? None of my previous sex partners even knew where I lived. I...We wouldn't have movie nights, I wouldn't have gone and had dinner with Sonohara those times to ease her worries if I didn't care, Mikado." He hesitated then, eyeing Mikado in a way that made him uneasy. Izaya actually looked distressed over this, something Mikado never would have expected. "...I do care about you, Mikado."

"Caring about someone and loving someone are two very different things." Mikado murmured softly, forcing up a small, strained smile. "You don't have to say anything you don't mean. You don't...have to love me. Caring about me is good, too...and it's more than what most people think-"

"I  _do_  love you." Izaya cut in, sounding as if he had to tear the words from his own throat. He closed his eyes and took a breath and it really made Mikado realize how out of his element Izaya was. How  _scared_ Izaya apparently was to open himself up to others.

Izaya took another moment to regain his composure before he spoke up again, frowning a little as he looked back at Mikado. "When we started this it...wasn't because I was in love with you or anything. I wasn't blind, though; you're attractive and I wanted to have you at least once. It just...worked that it was a mutually beneficial thing for the both of us. You're young and hormonal, I wanted to have fun without having to go through the trouble of hunting down a new person. But then it...shifted. We changed. I don't know when it was. Maybe it was when I started waking up next to you in the morning or when I noticed how quiet my home was without you pattering around and moving things. I don't...I don't  _know_ when it started but I love you, Mikado, and I just...I thought that maybe you didn't need me to say it. That was stupid on my end, I admit that. But I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and let Masaomi make you think I don't care about you."

Mikado's eyes widened in surprise, face flaming hot as he tired, and failed, to keep himself from grinning. "...You love me?"

Izaya groaned loudly, falling forward to press his face into Mikado's shoulder. " _Yes,_ do you want me to write it on my forehead? I'm in love with Mikado Ryuugamine?"

"That would be...acceptable." Mikado turned to press his lips to the top of Izaya's head, feeling oddly warm inside. "...You just have to say it sometimes. I'm sorry if I upset you-"

"You have absolutely nothing to apologize for." Izaya sat up, that trademark smirk back on his lips, almost as if saying all of this had freed him of some sort of weight on his shoulders. "I was the problem." He scooped Mikado up and pulled him into his lap, then, and Mikado blushed hard as the informant's lips pressed against his temple. "You know, you sleep over so often you might as well just move in. And no, before you ask, I'm not just suggesting it because I feel bad. I told you already that it's far too quiet here without you."

Mikado's face burned hotter despite his grin. He leaned back into the other's embrace and gave a small nod. "Moving in sounds nice..." He said softly.

"Good! After that, maybe I should have a dinner with Masaomi and set him straight." Izaya hummed, then snorted softly as he felt Mikado stiffen just a little in his hold. "I'm kidding, Mikado." He murmured, kissing his temple again. "But don't you dare let anyone ever tell you I don't care about you. You're the only person in this twisted city I care for this much."

Well, when he said it like that Mikado found it hard to argue.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I can be found on my [Tumblr](http://my-tatteredwingsof-freedom.tumblr.com/)


End file.
